Who needs expensive toys?

Wonder how much money I , ahem, wasted on what was in those boxes.

Summer lovin'

Days are longer, school is out, the eyes are straight.........pass the sunscreen. Summer, summer time!

No. Not everyone should be a parent.

The obvious- child abusers, drugees, murderers. But especially those whose children have to learn this the hard way- the selfish, the self-absorbed, those who never grow up enough to understand and appreciate the enormous responsibility that they have taken on. These parents are the ones that leave damaged children who spend too much time in their lives trying to figure out why they fell short. These parents are oblivious to the damage that they cause, never taking responsibility, only claiming that they "did the best they could".

Being a parent means loving someone more than yourself, putting someones else's needs above your own, and nurturing the being that you have brought into this world. Should be simple.

As one of these children, you grow up often feeling inadequate, undeserving, and constantly in search. In search of what makes things better. But nothing ever really does.

Until the day comes when it does get better. The day that you start liking yourself, in all of your imperfections and start allowing others to like you, too. At first, not everyday is a good day, but eventually the good days outnumber the bad.

Parenting has been healing for me and confusing. Healing because my babies fill my heart. Any empty space there has been filled, I would say my heart is now even overflowing. Confusing because my love for them is all encompassing, and I cannot imagine how any parent could not feel the same way.

Eventually, and unfortunately, you learn that you have to let any expectations of how you think your parents should act or feel go. The expectations you have for them, no matter how small, will never be met.

For now, I enjoy and celebrate the time I have with my children. Soaking them in. Hoping I am not loving them too much (is that possible?).

No longer expecting anything from parents that only disappoint.

You get there, it's difficult and unfortunate, but you get there.

"Um, did your son have surgery today?"

Eli's surgery could not have gone better (short of him not having it). The facility, nurses, and doctors were fantastic. And Eli, well, Eli was Eli. As always, he pulls through better than you could have even hoped for. Once again, he was a fighter and champ. Absolutely no problems with his airway or oxygen intake. He was groggy coming off the anesthesia but that lasted as far as the ride home.

Eli's surgery began at 7 am, was over by 7:45am, and we were home by 9 am. Wow, we did A LOT during hours I (and Ava and Eli) are typically sleeping (note to self). Once we got home, Eli was all hyped up, none the worse for just being heavily sedated and having muscles cut in both eyes. I ran out once we got home to pick up his prescriptions, pick up some groceries, and of course, pick up the princess from pre-k. Vic called me on my cell while I was running about and asked "did your son have surgery today?". I thought I was leaving Vic to watch a groggy, hurting baby. What he got was a terror.

A terror we will gladly take any day.

We have movement.......

In preparation for Eli's surgery, we have been going non-stop to doctor's appointments. One of those stops was for an ultrasound of his airway. In order to go ahead with the surgery, we wanted clearance from his pulmonologist due to Eli's history with his airway. Well, not only does Eli have a nice size airway BUT, but he has movement in both vocal chords. How much movement, we are not sure yet but are just so thrilled that the other vocal chord that appeared to be impinged by scar tissue is MOVING.

So, we are moving ahead with his surgery on Thursday. Yesterday, we got clearance from his pediatrician. Who also was helpful enough to diagnose him with keratosis pilaris and eczema. Nice.

Tomorrow Eli and daddy go to see the pediatric opthamologist who will be performing the surgery. We will get definite confirmation and find out if Eli will need surgery in just the one eye or both.

Keep you posted.

Is there ever a such thing as the perfect picture?

Okay. With a certain holiday coming up (all you dads, better get on the ball if you are saying-"what holiday?"), I wanted to get the perfect shot of my babies for a photo gift. Yeah, right. Try getting my two to sit still, let alone both look at the camera at the same time.

Day one, we shot pictures on our way into church (hey, we were late anyway). I dressed them in matching seersucker- Ava in pink and Eli in blue. Cute, right? Frustrating would be a better word.

Day two involved a trip to the zoo. Again, kids on the go and Eli's hat from last year is now a beanie. Next.....

Day three was a trip to the open space across the street. Better, not perfect, but much better.

After three days of shooting, I settled not on the perfect picture, but the right one. The one that best displays what I love so much about these two- their smiles, silliness, and laughter. Happy Mother's Day to me.

Watch out Tiger Woods!

Ava & Daddy's first golf outing included: a severe sunburn on Ava's arms and the back of her legs, Ava pooed twice at the clubhouse, and she pulled down her drawers and peed like a boy on the greens on the practice hole. The really good news is that we still have our membership at the club.